Back into it

It has been months since I have made a post on my blog. I fell off of it for a long time, and I have missed it. I loved pouring my heart out here, and I am going to do it again (brace yourselves… that is, if anyone is even reading this)

I not only fell off of the routine of writing a blog, but I also fell off of the routine of spending time with God on the regular. It’s been missed in my life much more than writing here. My days just aren’t quite as good or as smooth without it, but I let myself go without for so long. I’ve been spiritually starving, but I am going back to this daily bread that my body craves so deeply.

Today, I felt so empty. I felt lost, and sadder than I’ve felt in a long time. But today I also felt full of life, encouraged and strong. Quiet time was the thing that separated those two extreme feelings.

Living in residence at university is not an encouraging Christian atmosphere by any means. It’s actually pretty much the opposite. It was a shock when I got here and learned how different the life I had lead was from the other people in my apartment, floor, and building. The things some people considered normal were huge shocks to me. And sadly, I started to abandon the life I used to lead for their approval. I began to be nervous that my friends would see my Bible on my shelf when they came in my room, just because I didn’t want to have to answer their questions.

Now, I don’t care. I am a child of God, and I will serve Him despite what that might mean for my social status here in UP6.

In my quiet time today (I’m reading The Message Remix: Solo devotional book right now, among other online devotionals), I was encouraged to ask God to reveal himself to me in a way I hadn’t experienced Him before. When I read that, I began an elaborate prayer, which basically consisted of me telling God some options for how He could do this. Then I stopped.

I realized that I don’t have to tell God how to show me Him in a new way. I almost feel silly for thinking this. Of course He knows how to reveal Himself. All I have to do is sit and wait for it. And while I would like to say that while I was just being still and receptive to the Holy Spirit, I didn’t have a life-changing epiphany. But I’m okay with that.

I trust that God is going to reveal Himself to me, and I am ready to let Him do the work. His will, not mine. And I feel like, for the first time in my life, I am truly giving up control. It’s going to be a wild ride, and I have no idea what to expect, but isn’t that the fun of it?

I realize that this is probably just a really jumbled mess of my thoughts, but hey, if you don’t follow them, that’s ok. I am so full of the Holy Spirit right now, I’m just letting my fingers type without much thought. So I apologize if it’s hard to follow, but at the same time I don’t apologize, because God has spoken in this little text box. Maybe it’s just for my heart to hear, but maybe something I said challenges or encourages someone else. I don’t know how God is going to work in and through me, but he does. Woo-hoo!

I also wanted to share this verse I read during my quiet time, found in Ephesians 5:1-2

Be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us

That is the cry of my heart tonight. I just want to be like Jesus.

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