I am so frustratingly confusing

I get so frustrated with how my mind works. But try as I might, I cannot convince myself of something once my mind is made up. So yup… After 3 weeks of kinda torture (as much as I tried to hide how much I didn’t like my job) I am quitting. Go me…

I feel about 2 inches tall right now. I am so embarrassed that this didn’t work out. I am so frustrated that I can’t stick it out. But it just was not what I was expecting at all…

First of all, the kids often tell me either a) they hate me b) they wish I never came c) they’re going to make their mom get a new babysitter, or d) I suck compared to their old babysitter. It was enough to make me feel like crap about myself, but if that was the only problem I think I could have handled it. But no, there’s more.

A big thing being that I am so lonely and homesick. I have a room in the basement, far removed from the family. It is understood by both myself and her that my place when I’m done cleaning up from supper is downstairs in that room. I don’t interact with the family at all once my duties are done. I miss my family terribly as a result.

When I was hired, I had the understanding that my duties would include watching the kids when they’re home, cooking dinner, cleaning up after dinner, and the occasional housekeeping chore here and there, such as sweeping, dusting, taking out recycling, etc. Well the straw that broke this sorry camel’s back was the page long list of daily chores she recently gave me. When did I sign up for this? Never.

So, yeah. Call me lazy, call me weak. But I am just not cut out for this job. 

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